i think my mom misses me

I received a text from my mom yesterday saying
"Bel, will you be back this weekend?" and "i'll take leave when you're back"

My mom makes it sound like I'm just a bus ride away. Haha..

I thought for a while whether I did say I'll be back.

And DUH!! I did. Well, kind of..

I always say I'm thinking of going back at such and such a date.

Most of the time, I do keep to it.

Okay, the thing is, I'll be going back in August.

But after I purchased my tickets, I realised my passport is expiring soon and I'll have to renew it so that I can travel in August.

I have the option of doing it here in Perth.

However, it takes at least 1 month to get it done.

"And thats my only ID. "

"What if there is an emergency and I need to travel? "

"Spoke to Mama last week and she says August is a long way"

"Hmm.. I haven't been back for Daddy's birthday for.. OMG 5 years!!"

"Maybe I should go back for the long weekend in June. I can celebrate my birthday there and go for Eva's wedding."

I could go back and get it done in just a couple of hours.

So, I'm still contemplating on whether I should do it here in Perth or head home to do it.

Its quite clear that I'm just looking for excuses to go back for a short break.

August feels so far away.

Another part of me is thinking, what about after August?

I've got nothing planned yet...

Is there something wrong with me?

I make life seem like its so tough.

Someone please kick me in the butt.